So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
