Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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