I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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