i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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