Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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