3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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