I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
