Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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