She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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