I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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