I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
