I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
