U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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