I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
