I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
