Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
