How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
