Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
