How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
