the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
