she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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