you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
