is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize