woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize