I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
