Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
