The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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