youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
