Is it because I queefed?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
