Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its liver damage thursday
Randomize