Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
