addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
