You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
