I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
