And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
