When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
