My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
