...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
