My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
