I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
