I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
