My Higher Power is John Stamos
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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