If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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