your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
