look no pants
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
a search helicopter?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
