i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
