I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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