i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
