I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize