no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
