I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
