i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
