Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
