There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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