I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
