You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
