just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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