What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
