You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
