Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
