Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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