now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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