I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
