My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
