I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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