"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
