So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
