took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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