Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
