his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
