keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize