i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
