when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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